"You Said It." Yeah Well, "You Were Thinking It."

(Chapter 16 from my book, "Chaos In The Coffee House.")

     This little phrase, “You said it.” Yeah well, “You were thinking it” is what separates me from the rest of society. Most people have a thought that comes into their minds, they take time to think about what could happen if they put it into words, then they re-process the thought. I, on the other hand, skip step two and just spew my thoughts out before taking time to think. I've done this in every aspect of my life. Why would it be any different in motherhood?

     First let me say, I do not think that just because I have five kids, I know everything there is to know about pregnancy, giving birth, hushing a crying baby, and so forth. It seems I learn something new daily.

     But I do watch these mother's that seem to have all the answers. The cure for every rash and the recipe for home made, allergy free laundry detergent. I like to refer to her as the Room Mother. You know the one. She's at every single school party that her child has. She makes individual crafts for all twenty five students. She has time to get her nails done, have her false lashes applied, walk the dog, and french braid her daughters hair, all before eight a.m.

     I always imagined that I would be that mom. I figured out real fast that I'm NOT her!

I love my kids. I give them shelter. They are fed when hungry. Watered when thirsty. Clothed when naked. Kissed when hurt. But if I were to make a comparison list between myself and the "Room Mom", how would I stack up? That's a question I ask myself a lot.

Room Mother: “Oh my goodness. Instead of waking up at five a.m. like I usually do, this morning I overslept until six-thirty. I didn't have time to iron little Heaven's dress so she's a complete disaster!”

Me: “Crap!” I overslept, again! The bus comes at seven-thirty five and it's already seven-twelve. I was going to get up in time to dry a load of laundry so Dani would have clean pants for school. Oh well, these are just a little crusty. I'll just spray some perfume on them, run them through the dryer for a couple minutes, and they're as good as new.

Room Mother: “Oh sweetheart, did you have another bedtime accident? Let mommy get that cleaned up for you. Come on, I'll run you a bubble bath and go put your bedsheets in the washer. It'll be alright.”

Me: “Are you kidding me? Did you seriously pee all over me again? It's three a.m. I am NOT changing these sheets tonight. Get up for a second. I'll throw a towel over it.” Darn it, the comforter's wet too. Oh well, we'll just put the wet end at our feet. “Now, go back to sleep. I can still get a good three hours.”

Room Mother: “Oh honey, don't eat that carrot that you dropped on the floor. It has germs all over it. You don't want to get sick do you?”

Me: “You dropped your piece of bologna on the floor? Eh...that's alright. Just pick the dirt off of it. I'm sure you've eaten worse. What doesn't kill you make's you stronger.”

Room Mother: “This medication label says Do Not give to children under the age of 12 years. I guess I better drive ten minutes to the pharmacy to get something that is age appropriate.

Me: “You have a headache? Okay, this will work. I don't have a medicine cup but the label says for you to take two tablespoons. (holds the bottle up) What's in there looks like about two tablespoons. Just drink the rest of it.”

Room Mother: “Oh my, I can't leave the house without my makeup done. We're going to be running a few minutes late.”

Me: Does a once over in the mirror. I've seen better days. Grab some clean sweat pants, make sure the shirt I slept in isn't too wrinkled or that I didn't drool on it. Can't find the brush. Oh well, a messy bun will do the trick. Off to do errands I go!

Room Mother: “Hi kids. I made fresh cookies for an after school snack. And honey, there's a pot roast in the crock pot for dinner. It'll be done any minute. How was everybody's day?

Me: "Hi kids. How was your day? You're hungry? There's not any milk but you can have some dry cereal for a snack. Hey Curtis! We're probably going to have sandwiches and chips for dinner. I'm just not really in the cooking mood. Now, can you guys please be quiet while I finish watching Dr. Phil? Thanks."

     Guess that answers my question. We were all created to be individuals.

I have a friend that is also a stay-at-home-mom that I admire very much. I've never walked in her house and found anything out of place. She home-schools her children, helps so many people out in different ways, and does a lot for the church where her husband is the Associate Pastor.

     It used to be my goal to be a mother and wife, just like her. Until one day, we were talking and I told her I was tired because one of the boys had been sick the night before and I slept in their bed with them. She told me that she really admired me for doing that and wishes that she was more like me (as a mom) in a lot of ways. That really opened my eyes.

     My laundry pile gets completely out of control, sometimes I let Monday's dinner dishes wait on the table until Tuesday morning, Darli (the dog) hasn't had a bath since, well, I can't really remember, and I don't always serve up a five course meal. But one thing I know for sure. If you ask any one of my kids if I loved them, they would know, without a doubt, that I absolutely, one hundred percent do. With all my heart!

     So, a lot of you Room Mothers are probably thinking, “I can't believe she said that.” Well, “You were thinking it!”