Mommy: A female who has borne offspring; female parent.
Misophonia: Literally means “hatred of sound,” is a neurological disorder in which negative experiences (ex. Anger, flight, hatred, disgust...) are triggered by specific sounds.
Maniac: A person exhibiting extreme symptoms of wild behavior, especially when violent and dangerous.
I'm not sure how people view me from the outside. Honestly, I'm not sure I even want to know. But if you could just unscrew my skull and step inside my brain it would scare you to death!
This chapter is a confessional of sorts. If I had to describe myself, looking through the eyes of another person I would say;
Oh, that Jenny Coffee. She's a little loud and never stops talking. She can have a ten minute conversation in the grocery store with a perfect stranger. It's obvious she's crazy about her husband and she loves her kids to pieces. She's pretty funny, although slightly inappropriate at times. She definitely likes to state the obvious but that's good for some of us more, oh what's the word I'm looking for, un-smart people. And she loves the Lord with all of her heart!
Aw...that was a very kind description. Thank you.
Although that's what I hope or imagine people see on the outside, the three definitions above describe me to a T.
Unless you've spent an extended amount of time with me, you wouldn't know that I have these issues.
I've suffered from Misophonia since I was a young child. The very first noise I remember making me mad enough to cry was my mom and dad kissing. Smack smack, slurp slurp. Ugh! Just thinking about it makes me want to punch somebody in the face. And the problem grew from there.
To give you a look inside my head, here are a few of the
noises that make me crazy;
crunching ice
crunching chips
crunching hard candy
crunching...pretty much anything that crunches
chewing on straws
smacking gum
popping gum
eating popcorn kernels
eating popcorn
slurping
gulping
biting fingernails
chewing on fingernails after they're bitten off (ewww)
nail clipping
grinding teeth
opening and closing chip bags too loudly
people dragging their feet
whistling
people sloppy kissing
certain singing voices (ex. Carrie Underwood) Keep in mind, I like Carrie Underwood.
dental flossing
snoring
popping knuckles
buzzer at basketball games
Just to name a few.
So, I suppose it's safe to say that this little issue of mine might cause some tension around the home front.
There are mornings I swear that everybody in the house gets together for a family meeting while I'm on the pot, and in my mind it goes a little something like this;
Dad: “Daymond. When Mom comes out of the bathroom I want
you to sit right beside her on the couch. Bite your fingernails like there's no tomorrow.”
Daymond: “I'm all over it. This is my very favorite annoying thing to do!”
Dad: “Now Devin. I want you to go pour yourself a huge bowl of the crunchiest cereal you can find. You sit on the other side of your mom and go to town on it.”
Devin: “No problem.”
Dad: “Dustin, my little pop lover. Go get that 42oz mug out of the top cabinet. Pour it to the brim with your pop of choice. Gulp as loud as you possibly can. Be a good boy. Now go on!”
Dustin: “Yes Daddy.”
Dad: “Now. Dani and Dakotah. Here's your breakfast! I bought you each a package of bubble gum. Dani, go practice your bubble blowing and try to teach Dakotah. It'll be so much fun!”
Dani & Dakotah: “Yaaay Daddy! You're our favorite!”
So as everyone's gathered around me in the living room. Curtis turns the X box on, cranks up a Carrie Underwood c.d. And starts opening a bag of chips. It's going to be one of those days.
I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or jump off the roof and hope it doesn't just break my legs. The last thing I need is to be confined to a bed, in a full body cast, having to be cared for by the crunchy slurpy gang.
My poor family. I really do feel bad for them. They must constantly be walking on egg shells. I'm trying to learn new coping mechanisms.
One night Curtis was eating cereal before bed. To say it was getting on my nerves would be putting it mildly. So, I decided instead of flipping out, I'd go to the bedroom to read. He followed me.
Curtis: “What are you doing in here?” crunch crunch crunch
Me: “Reading. Enjoying the silence.” twitch twitch twitch
Curtis: “Why don't you come in there with the rest of us?”
Me: “Because I want to read my book.” Grrr.....
Curtis: “You can bring it in there and read.”
Me: “You're driving me insane with your STUPID...CRUNCHY...CEREAL! I want to cut you and punch you in the throat and kick you down the basement stairs!”
Ahh...I feel so much better now.
Curtis: (a little scared & wounded) “My goodness. I was just trying to spend some time with my wife.
Me: “Come back to spend time with me when you're not eating.”
This is a common occurrence. Do I feel bad for my family? Yes. Do I do this on purpose as they all suppose I do? No.
I'm convinced that everywhere I go, I've got a sign floating above my head that says, “Make annoying sounds. I love it!”
I can't enjoy a church service, a concert, a sporting event...nothing where there are large groups of obnoxious people. Because they will hunt me down, follow me to where I'm sitting, park themselves right behind me and in comes annoying noises.
There's always the gum popper. This chic usually chews her gum ninety miles/hour. Then when she needs to give her jaws a rest, she puts it between her teeth and it begins. Pop pop pop!
Me: “I swear Curtis, if this lady doesn't stop I'm going to turn around, take that gum from her, and stick it up her nose.”
Curtis: “Maybe we should just move.”
Me: “There's an idea.”
This has happened on so many occasions. It seems like every time we go see a movie, which isn't very often, I always end up in front of the ice cruncher/popcorn eater/chair kicker.
Nothing can ruin a good movie faster than this annoying guy.
Me: “We should have just waited for this to come out on DVD. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this guy trying to make my life a misery.”
Curtis: (eye roll) “Can't you just ignore him?”
Me: “Don't you think if I could just ignore him I would have tried that with you years ago?”
Then there's the dedicated church member/gum popper. She knew that I had these issues. Although I would consider us good friends, it wouldn't have taken much more than one...more...pop for us to turn into enemies.
I felt comfortable enough with her that I finally told her one day, that her gum popping during the church service was really distracting. She thought this was hilarious! Me? Not so much.
I told her that her annoying noises were taking away from the Lords service.
Church member: “Oh Jenny. You're so funny.” Pop pop!
Me: “I'm not trying to be funny! If you don't quit I'm going to choke you.” (In the name of the Lord, of course)
Church member: (looking a little wounded) “Okay. Goodness.”
So, to say this is a problem would be putting it mildy.
There was a lady on Dr. Phil the other day with this exact same issue. Dr. Phil told her she needed to learn new ways to cope. I just wonder why people have to be so stinkin' annoying!?
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