Then when I thought on into their toddler years I couldn't wait to coax them into saying their first words, teach them to count (one, two, free), blow kisses, pat-a-cake...You know? All of that adorable, important stuff that would keep the grandparents and aunts and uncles entertained for hours.
A few years down the road would be the start of elementary school. Oh what fun! Cute clothes! School programs! Field trips! Birthday party's. The fun never ends.
It would just get bigger and better from there.
Middle School was awesome for me!!! I couldn't wait to go through those years with my kids!
Basketball, baseball, football, track, cheerleading...Hanging out with friends. Going to church. Spending time with family....
Ya know what? All of those things are great! And when discussing parenthood with friends, it seems that those are the events they tell you about.
I've had to learn the hard way, that there are sooo many other things that nobody bothered to tell me! A little heads up would've been nice people!
So that's why I'm here. News flash! It's not all bows and ribbons, cuddles and kisses, smiles and laughs.
Those commercials you see on t.v. with the perfect little family? Mommy smiling at daddy adoringly, kiddos dressed in their nice, clean, suits and dresses. Well behaved dog laying in front of the fire place (not pooping in the floor). IT'S A HOAX!!! 
The little brats are probably bribed with candy and trips to Disney Land to be good for the 30 second commercial! And the dog? I'm almost certain it's either stuffed or sedated until the job is done.
I got my first reality check when Daymond was a baby. He was NOT a good sleeper so I decided an evening bath ritual would help. So every evening, he got a bath in lavender baby bath, then rubbed down with baby lotion. Ahh...he smelled so yummy. For about 15 minutes!
I'm not sure how Daymond grew to be as big as he is because I swear every time he had a bottle, it immediately came out one of the holes in his tiny little body. Ugh...The things nobody tells you.
Daymond was 8 months old when I got pregnant with Devin. By the end of my pregnancy, he was starting to talk pretty well.
I'll never forget trying to make little 16 month old Daymond, understand that he was going to have a new baby brother. I must have mentioned the baby to him one too many times, because one day he pulled back his fist, and with the most evil look on his face said, "I kill you baby."
My mom laughed! Curtis laughed! My dad laughed! I was 8 months pregnant. I did not laugh!
I took this as a sign. He is going to hate this baby! Oh my gosh, my sweet little Daymond is going to kill his baby brother! I cried and cried. I may have been a tad bit hormonal because looking back on it, it's a little funny. Oh my...The things nobody tells you.
Potty training Devin is a feat I was just sure I would never accomplish. Daymond was a breeze. I assumed they would all be the same. Wrong!!!
When I gave birth to my second child, Devin Ray Coffee. I gave birth to the most disgusting child that would ever grace this earth.
When he was about 2 1/2 not only did he hide in the closet to poop, he also took his diaper off to do it. Then said, "Stretch did it!" Stretch was our wiener dog. Smart enough to blame the dog. But not smart enough to poop in the potty. Hmmm....I should've seen it coming right then.
One day, after coming out of the closet (haha), Devin was naked and holding his hands up with what looked like chocolate pudding all over them. I mean ALL over them! I said, "Devin, don't touch anything!"
It seemed like everything started happening in slow motion. I dropped what I was doing. Ran toward him and just as I got to him, he smiled and stuck his hand in his mouth! Yep. He really did. And not just for a second. He sucked his fingers clean.
I was yelling, gagging, telling him to stoooooppppp!!! While he stood there naked, smiling, with brown mush all around his mouth.
After Devin was cleaned up. And his finger painting that I discovered in the other room was washed away. Again, I cried and cried.
This time it wasn't hormones. I was just devastated because I realized that I had a nasty, disgusting, abnormal child! And that although I loved him with all my heart, wasn't quite sure how to deal with him. Gag!...The things nobody tells you.
Daymond was in pre-school the first, and hopefully only time he will ever have the cops called on him. All of those cute little 4 and 5 year olds were lined up in the old rock building, waiting to go out to recess. And Daymond was very curious about the little red handle on the wall. So, he done what any other 5 year old would do. He pulled it!
He set off the alarms. They had to evacuate the whole building. The fire fighters came. The police came. Daymond got "the talk" about that being for emergencies only. I always hoped that when there was a story in the local paper about my kids it would be about something good that they had done. Oops!...The things nobody tells you.
I could probably write a book about these things that come as a total shock to you as a parent. The very unexpected things that our innocent children do.
Like the first time Daymond, almost 3 at the time, saw someone of a different color. He pointed right in their face, about 2 feet away and said, "Mommy, what color is that man?"
Or the time Daymonds Sunday School teacher, Tina Terry asked the class if anyone had a song that they wanted to sing. And Daymond raised his hand and requested, "She Thinks My Tractors Sexy." NOT one of my prouder moments.
Or when Devin was 4-ish and he was very shy. When someone would talk to him in public. Instead of responding with a smile or not responding at all. He hissed like a cat. Oh my gosh! I have "the weird kid" that nobody wants to see coming!
I didn't even know how to apologize for his behavior. "I'm so sorry. My kitty's having a bad day." Oh my....The things nobody tells you.
There's always the time that Devin peed in a Mt. Dew bottle and told 3 year old Dustin to drink it....and he did!
Or when sweet little Gracie Ogle told Devin his hair cut was cute and it embarrassed him so he blurted out, "I think you're ugly!" I was just glad he learned to use his words instead of hissing! Yaaay!
Or the night I woke up to the sound of liquid running and one of my boys, I won't name names, was sleep walking and came into my bedroom and peed in my rocking chair. Because it looks like a toilet!? Who knows?
I haven't even started on the girls. I caught Dani, 7 kissing our little neighbor boy, 5 through the fence in the back yard. Who knew? Oh yeah, I did. But I want my kids to be different.
They're so curious at such an early age. Dr. Phil says its "normal" and "natural." I say it's creepy!...The things nobody tells you.
I'm just giving some insight to those of you who are just starting down this path in life.
Never ever say, "My kid will NEVER do this or that" because, mark my words. They will poop, finger paint, then eat the leftovers!
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